Late Night

Locke! Turn the damn stereo down!


I can't do that James.


Why the hell not?! You've had Journey blasting for hours and you're keeping the whole building awake!


This is a very serious matter James. I doubt you'll understand but Jacob told me that I had to blast Journey all night.


Oh just like last week when Jacob told you to put sand in the dishwasher? Or the week before when he told you to build a sculpture made of garbage on my bed?

Brick

What's that James?


It's my new smartphone. This little guy'll do anything.


Is that right? Can I take a look at it?


Sure Gizmo, knock yourself out. --Says here that thing's got email, GPS, text messaging, all kinds of applications--damn thing'll even shoot movies.


That sounds impressive. Is it shockproof?


What--of course not.


Then you'll need to hurry downstairs if you want to catch it before it hits the ground.

Domestic

How are your peas, John?


They're fine James. But I'd like to talk about something that's been bothering me.


Can it wait, Kelly Kapoor? I just want to enjoy my dinner.


No James, communication is an important part of a relationship.


I hate to break it to you, Dr. Phil, but we aint got any damned relationship.


See James, that's just it: I think you may have an anger management issue.

Faith

What the hell did you just do in there?


I painted you this picture James.


I'm not talking about that, Picasso--it smells like Hurley after taco night.


I'm sorry James, but dinner did not sit well with me.


Well god damn, bigfoot, you could at least open a damned window


I don't believe in that.


Believe in what exactly?


Making your life any better.

20/20

Well, just look at you James.


You got a problem?


No James, I actually think you look quite good.


Oh. Well thank you.


I just think it's a little bit funny.


You think what's funny?


That your vision is as inadequate as your ability to keep your girlfriend alive.

Mistaken Identity

Good morning James. I fixed us a nice breakfast. Do you have time for pancakes?

Well, well, well--if it aint Betty Crocker.  What’s got your apron all wet this morning?

Well James, I'm sure you remember that time that you tried to kidnap Claire’s baby and I was forced to kick the living shit out of you on the beach?

You got your facts mixed up, Hoss. That wasn't me--it was the 'has been' with a heroin problem.

I bet you felt emasculated by that, eh? An old man like me knocking you to the ground.

You losing your memory over there, Ronald Reagan? That wasn't me. You wouldn't stand a chance going one on one with this cowboy.

Well, whatever--the point is James: I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of everyone and ruining your chances with Kate. That certainly wasn't my intention.

You and I are about to go toe to toe here, Tarzan.

Ok James I'm glad this is settled. But that was fucked up that you were trying to steal Claire's baby. What was up with that?

Bunk

Locke, wake up.


...


Dammit, Rip Van Winkle, get your ass out of my bed!


...


You know the top bunk is mine, you son of bitch!


...


You're such a dick.